If I could go back and tell 25-year-old me one thing about this career, it would be this: relationships over everything.
Not the tech stack. Not the certifications. Not the latest framework or tool. Not the number of repositories or the lines of code. The people.
I spent twenty years building websites, managing teams, shipping enterprise projects, and learning more technologies than I can count. Looking back at what actually made the difference-what created opportunities, solved impossible problems, and made the hard times survivable-it was always the relationships.
The Network Is the Career
Every major opportunity I’ve had in 20 years came through someone I knew. Not a job board. Not a cold pitch. Not an application into the void. Someone who knew my work, trusted my character, and thought of me when something came up.
When I joined WebDevStudios, it was because I knew people in the WordPress community who vouched for me. When I moved up from developer to engineering manager, it was because I’d built relationships with leadership who saw more than just my code. When I transitioned to consulting, those same relationships became my first clients.
The projects at WebDevStudios-Microsoft, Campbell’s, Care.com, the NBA-I didn’t get those by being the best coder in the room. I got them by being reliable, easy to work with, and the kind of person people wanted on their team when things got hard.
Here’s something they don’t teach you in computer science programs or bootcamps: technical skills get you in the door. Relationships keep you in the room. And more importantly, relationships get you invited into rooms you didn’t even know existed.
The Moments That Mattered
Let me share some specific moments where relationships made all the difference:
There was a project going sideways-timeline slipping, client frustrated, team demoralized. The kind of situation where fingers start pointing. But I’d spent months building trust with that client contact, having real conversations, being honest about challenges before they became crises. When things got hard, we worked through it together instead of against each other. The project shipped. The relationship got stronger.
There was a time when I needed to staff up quickly for a big project. The job market was tight, traditional recruiting was slow. But I’d maintained relationships with talented developers over the years-people I’d worked with, met at conferences, collaborated with on side projects. Three phone calls later, I had a team. Because when you keep relationships warm, people pick up when you call.
There was a career transition that felt impossible until a former colleague made an introduction that changed everything. Five years of occasional emails and coffee catchups turned into a single pivotal moment.
What I Wish I’d Done More Of
I wish I’d documented more. Shared more. Taught more. Not for the content-for the connections.
Every time I’ve helped someone figure something out, that relationship got stronger. Every time I’ve shared what I learned, someone remembered it later. The open book approach isn’t just generosity-it’s how you build a network that actually works.
I know a lot of people now. And when I don’t have the answer, I usually know someone who does. That’s 20 years of compound interest on relationships. The returns are exponential, but only if you start early and stay consistent.
The people I helped ten years ago? Some of them are now running teams, starting companies, making decisions about who to hire and who to partner with. The time I invested in mentoring junior developers? Several of them have now referred clients to me. The relationships compound in ways you can’t predict.
Tech Is a Commodity. Trust Isn’t.
Here’s what’s changed in 20 years: the technology got easier. What used to take a team and a month now takes one person and an afternoon. AI is accelerating that even more. The barriers to building things are lower than they’ve ever been.
But trust didn’t get easier. Finding someone who shows up, does what they say, and actually gives a damn? That’s still rare. Maybe rarer, because the noise has increased along with the accessibility.
Anyone can learn to code. Fewer people can learn to be someone others trust completely. And that trust takes time-there’s no shortcut, no hack, no framework for it. You build it slowly through consistent action over years.
The people who win long-term aren’t the ones with the best tech skills. They’re the ones other people want to work with. They’re the ones who get called when something important needs to get done. They’re the ones whose names come up in rooms they’re not in.
The Practical Side of Relationship Building
This isn’t about schmoozing or networking events with bad coffee and worse conversation. It’s about genuine connection, which looks different than most people think.
Be useful without expecting anything back. When you see an article someone would find helpful, send it. When you know someone looking for a job and someone looking to hire, make the introduction. When you can solve someone’s problem with a quick email, do it. The people who give freely end up receiving more than those who keep score.
Stay in touch with people between needing things. The worst time to reconnect is when you need a favor. Check in periodically. Congratulate people on wins. Remember what they’re working on. The relationships that work are the ones you maintain when you have nothing to gain.
Be the same person everywhere. Your reputation is what people say about you when you’re not in the room. Be consistent. Be honest. Be someone people can count on. This industry is smaller than it looks-word travels.
Invest in relationships before you need them. The best time to build your network was ten years ago. The second best time is now. But understand that it takes time. You can’t rush trust. Start today and be patient.
The Advice I’d Give
If you’re early in your career: invest in relationships like they’re your retirement account. Because they are. Every person you help, every connection you make, every trust you build-that’s all going into an account that will pay dividends for decades.
- Say yes to coffees and calls, even when you’re busy
- Help people who can’t help you back (yet)
- Be generous with what you know
- Follow up and follow through
- Remember names and remember what matters to people
If you’re mid-career: look at who’s in your network and who’s missing. Fill the gaps intentionally. You probably have a lot of people like you-same industry, same level, same background. Diversify. Build relationships with people different from you. That’s where the unexpected opportunities come from.
If you’re where I am: give back. The people coming up need what you know. Share it freely. Answer the questions. Take the meetings. Make the introductions. That’s how the whole thing keeps working. The people who helped you when you were starting? They did it because someone helped them. Pay it forward.
What This Looks Like Now
My work today exists because of relationships. My clients come from referrals-people who worked with me, people who know people who worked with me, people who remember that I helped them with something years ago. The business I’m building isn’t built on marketing tactics. It’s built on two decades of showing up and being useful.
When people ask me what my growth strategy is, they expect to hear about content marketing or paid ads or SEO. The real answer is simpler: do good work for good people, and the good people tell other good people. That’s not a strategy you can execute in a quarter. It’s a career-long commitment.
Twenty years in, the only thing that mattered was people. I’d bet the next twenty will be the same.
The technology will keep changing. The platforms will rise and fall. The tools will evolve. But the fundamentals-trust, reliability, genuine connection-those stay constant. Invest there.
